Quick Sex Self-Help Advice

Written by Dr. Marty Klein

Unrealistic expectations can put pressure on your sex life. Stop watching the clock and start listening to your lover.

Rapid, or "premature," ejaculation describes a situation in which a man frequently climaxes sooner than he wants.

Sex Advice
Spice Up Your Sex Life
Don't distract yourself during sex to prevent climaxing too soon.
If your partner comes too quickly, don't take it personally.
If the woman orgasms first, there's less pressure for the man to last a long time. 
The definition foreshadows the problem: what if someone wants to last for an hour? Some men and women have such unrealistic expectations. The pressure to perform can trigger the ejaculation they wish to delay. Pressure is also created by the common belief that sex is over when the man ejaculates.

Most people agree that a man who usually climaxes within seconds of insertion has a problem. But how many minutes must a man last in order to be problem-free? It's completely subjective. Instead of measuring by the clock, consider the reasons behind a speedy climax.

Rapid ejaculation sometimes reflects psychological issues, such as fear of sex or women, self-consciousness or guilt about desires. It's as if the body is saying, "I'm uncomfortable doing this, so let's get it over as soon as possible." For other men, simple inexperience is the cause: they thrust as hard as they can without thinking, assuming that the point of sex is to get as excited as possible as quickly as possible. Secretive, rushed masturbation trains many men for this kind of quick release.

Most rapid ejaculators attempt to distract themselves during sex, thinking this will reduce the perceived stimulation and delay the orgasm. But these men need to focus more on what's actually going on: the sensation in their penis, their breathing, level of excitement, connection with their partner, etc. Doing this in a supportive environment will reduce the anxiety and slow down the ejaculation reflex.

When male orgasm is seen as one part of a larger sexual interaction, quick ejaculation is not so upsetting. Precede intercourse with plenty of other sexual activity, or at least with the kind of sex that usually gives a woman an orgasm. If people feel they have plenty of pleasure before the man ejaculates, they'll be less distressed if he comes quickly.

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Marty Klein, Ph.D., is a licensed marriage counselor and sex therapist in Palo Alto, Calif. He has written for national magazines and appeared on many TV shows, including Donahue, Sally Jessy Raphael and Jenny Jones. You can read more about his books, tapes and appearances on his Web site,

Photographer: Dimitrii Sherman


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