Patterns In Love Advice

Written by Rita Kennen

Deciphering your unconscious romantic code can give you a better shot at a successful relationship.

Ever wonder why people say love is blind?

It started with lovely but mortal Psyche, and Venus, the renowned goddess of love and beauty. Threatened by the competition, Venus asked her son Cupid, a boy with an irresistible pair of love arrows, to join her in a wicked plan.

Tips for a successful relationship:
Treat potential partners as sexy and exciting. It will bring out the best in them.
Don't wait for Prince/ss Charming. Look for someone similar to you in appearance, intelligence and background.
Know what your needs are. If you don't, how can anyone else?

Cupid's task was to trick Psyche into falling in love with an ugly monster. But coming face to face with Psyche's incredible beauty, he fell hopelessly in love, blindfolded her, swept her into his arms and made her his wife.

Even a Greek myth can't unravel the mystery of romantic love. Who, how and why people fall in love are still cryptic questions.

Watch this video on having a vision of your relationship.

Clinical psychologist and couples therapist Ayala Pines attempts to sort out the complexities of modern romance in her book, Falling In Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose.

Why do some people repeat the same mistakes over and over again in romantic relationships?

Pines: One reason has to do with the internal and largely unconscious romantic code that directs us to whom we fall in love. It can lead you to fall in love with someone who is most appropriate for helping reenact and possibly overcome an unresolved childhood issue.

For example, take a woman whose father was unfaithful to her mother. Logic will direct her to choose a totally faithful man, but her unconscious will direct her to repeatedly fall for Don Juan's, since only a man like her father can give her what she didn't receive: a feeling that she is No. 1.

Does whether you are happy and balanced in other aspects of your life have an effect on falling in love?

Pines: The more happy and satisfied you are with your life, the more ability you have to be intimate. Self-actualized people have richer and more satisfying romantic relationships. The flip side is that self-actualized people are less needy for a romantic partner.

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