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Communicating In The Bedroom

Written by Paul Wolf

Want to be a hero in the bedroom? It's not always what you do that makes for great sex; it's what you say.

There you are in the arms of the woman you love, and, guess what? You're thinking strategy. You know what you want; how to get it is another question.

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Not even the bedroom is free from politics. And diplomacy here could be the difference between a ticker-tape parade and the cold shoulder.

"There is a big difference between an invitation to try something new and a lecture" [about what she should be doing for you], says Kevin Gogin, a marriage, family and child counselor.

Communication is key, but before you speak, consider a bad and better approach to getting your message across.

Bad: "How come you never wear that lingerie I bought you?"

Better: "Driving home, I had this image of you in that black teddy, and, wow, I couldn't wait to get home ..."

Heck. She might put it on right there.

That first approach makes her question her desirability. It sounds accusatory. Nobody likes to feel guilt-tripped. The second approach, meanwhile, is creative, flattering and playful. It doesn't demand that she wear the lingerie; it just plants the idea.

Gogin says men should use positive words and expressions like, "I thought it would be fun if we ..." or "What would you think of ...?" At the same time, men should avoid loaded words like "dissatisfied," frustrated" and "practically never."

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