Self-help Advice to Change Our Lives

Written by Heather Kim

Do you keep experiencing the same situation over and over?  Why is that?

 We think about the future but base our idea of what is possible on the past.
We generally approach life as if the key to success is in remembering what to do and what not to do. So it is our past experience that sets the limits of what can and cannot be. When we view the future through the past, we limit the future.

"Shoulds" and shouldn'ts" determine our choices.
Our views about how things should go, how people should or shouldn't be, all have enormous influence on us. Our shoulds and shouldn'ts are so much a part of the way life is for us, that we often end up living within the boundaries they establish.

We rely on what we "know" to cope.
While we see ourselves as open-minded, often that is not the case. It is more likely that we come thinking we have the solution or "know" the right thing to do. We filter everything through what we already know, taking action, making decisions and relating to the people in our lives as if we already have it all figured out. This leaves little room for seeing situations and people from another perspective.

We think "more" or "different" will produce satisfaction.
As humans we often seem addicted to change. This is evident in our frequent pursuit of "more" more money, fun, recognition. Or we go after what we think will be better: a better relationship, job, house. If we are not completely satisfied with more or better, we try something different. When this pursuit fails to satisfy us, the only thing that seems left to us is to repeat the cycle all over again.

We think how we see it is how it is.
Another pitfall is the idea that someone or something is a certain way, and that way is a permanently established fact. We then operate consistent with our perception. The possibility never occurs to us that the world around us may be other than the way we see it, and that we could in fact have something to say about it.

Our actions are all "in order to ..."
A lot of what we do everyday is directed toward very specific ends. We are attached to having a particular outcome. This way of operating from "in order to" reduces the possibilities of living fully and cheats us of the satisfaction of being fully alive each moment.

We think handling something with someone means we won't have to handle it again.
Most of us believe the issues in our relationships can be completed or handled once and for all. But once they are completed, these issues and concerns inevitably will come up to be handled again. Then, we invalidate ourselves for failing to get it complete the first time around, rather than using the opportunity to create ongoing completion and new possibilities in our relationships.
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