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Techniques to "Stop Doing" Old Behaviors

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You people in the West make it too difficult.
If you want to be happy, stop doing the things that are bad for you
and start doing the things that are good for you.
     — His Holiness The Dalai Lama

You are the light of your world. Just the way you are. Your light offers other people the opportunity to see situations in a new way. How? Your light is your courage. How bright is yours?

Below are a few tips to stop doing old behaviors and start discovering your Being. Stopping unhealthy behaviors encourages you to purify your heart and renew your spirit. Many of the suggestions that follow in “Stop Doing” (and “Start Being Courageous,” next month's posting) may sound the same. Many times only a slightly different angle or word is used. Just be open and reflect. Vincent Van Gogh was known for saying, "What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?"stop bad habits that prevent happiness

Here's the "Stop Doing" List:

Stop blaming.

• Stop reluctance. Note your patterns of reluctance.

• Stop the scripts that hinder you from approaching fellow workers.

• Stop waiting for someone else to make your decisions.

• Stop any defeatist attitude (watch for your consistent scripts).

• Stop living in denial.

• Stop hiding in society’s gender norms.

Stop gossiping about other women.

• Stop standing on the same step of the ladder with the same old scripts.

• Stop looking for guarantees.

• Stop hiding your emotions.

• Stop adding “stuff” to your life and stop thinking “I’m a very busy person.” (After all, you designed it.)

• Stop practicing any form of bullying, such as telling employees, “No one has a personal life here. We have to make our numbers!”

• Stop questioning yourself (stop self-doubt).

• Stop allowing the false self (ego) to possess and control you.

• Stop second-guessing.

• Stop working in environments that breed stagnated spirits.

• Stop distrusting your heart.

• Stop comparing.

• Stop living in status quo (conformity).

• Stop hiding mistakes and behaviors that someone else told you were shameful.

• Stop adapting to others.

• Stop focusing on the future.

• Stop limiting your choices.

• Stop using behaviors that undermine another woman’s spirit (attacking a woman’s personal courage).

• Stop wearing false masks.

• Stop being unclear about what you want from your life.

• Stop going against the grain (find the flow).

• Stop being miserable at work.

• Stop justifying your behavior.

• Stop channeling grief as a victim.

• Stop name-calling.

• Stop being attached to future plans.

• Stop identifying with regret.

• Stop concealing your faults.

• Stop criticizing yourself.

• Stop half commitments (commit fully).

• Stop fearing failure.

• Stop living feelings of unworthiness.

• Stop leaning on bad habits.

• Stop trying to fix things (they are only your judgments about the situation).

• Stop being trapped in your worn out description.

• Stop faking it (the opposite of courage).

• Stop doing ineffective actions.

• Stop creating the life you never envisioned.

• Stop waiting to be asked.

• Stop imitating what someone else wants for you (find what tugs at your heart).

• Stop falseness and pretensions.

• Stop noticing opportunities too late.

• Stop creating a body that pains you.

• Stop the “too syndrome” (too old, too aggressive, too bright, etc.).

• Stop holding onto bad experiences (scripts) or an outdated belief system.

• Stop censoring your “truth.”

• Stop penalizing people who speak directly (and appropriately).

Next time, I'll share "starting" ideas which provide a different kind of living experience. Sometimes it only takes one or two of those experiences to make a deep and life-changing effect. These new imprints can last a lifetime and reorient you to a new spiritual life filled with courage consciousness. Author and activist Charlotte Bunch reminds women, "The state of the world today demands that people become less modest and dream/play/act/risk, on a larger scale."

Sandra Ford Walston is known as The Courage Expert and innovator of StuckThinking™. She is an organizational effectiveness consultant, speaker, trainer and courage coach. She is the internationally published author of bestseller COURAGE The Heart and Spirit of Every Woman (2001), the follow-up book STUCK 12 Steps Up the Leadership Ladder (2010) and the recently released FACE IT! 12 Obstacles that Hold You Back on the Job (2011). She is certified in the Enneagram and MBTI®. Please visit

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Sandra Ford Walston, The Courage Expert and innovator of StuckThinking™, is an international speaker and author, human potential consultant, corporate trainer and certified coach. Sandra’s expertise allows her to focus on the tricks and traps of the human condition through recognizing and interpreting courage behaviors and courageous leadership styles.

Featured on the speaker circuit as witty, provocative, concrete and insightful, she has sparked positive change in the lives of thousands of leaders each year. Sandra also provides skills-based programs for some of the most respected public and private blue-chip businesses and organizations in the world, such as IBM, Caterpillar, Inc., Institute of Internal Auditors, Hensel Phelps, Wide Open West, Agrium, Inc., Virginia Commonwealth University, Xanterra Parks & Resorts®, Procter and Gamble, Hitachi Consulting, US Bank, Healthcare Association of New York State, Institute of Management Accountants, and Delta Kappa Gamma International Society.

The internationally published author of bestseller COURAGE The Heart and Spirit of Every Woman and an honored author selected for Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic, Sandra facilitates individuals and groups to discover the power and inspiration of their everyday courage.

The COURAGE Difference at Work: A Unique Success Guide for Women (formerly STUCK), Sandra’s follow-up book to COURAGE, is directed at any woman, regardless of title or credentials, who wishes to grow professionally by introducing courage actions at work. Her third book, FACE IT! 12 Courageous Actions that Bring Success at Work and Beyond confirms that what holds you back on the job is the same as what hinders achievement—the reluctance to face and live a courageous life. Sandra is published in magazines such as Chief Learning Officer, Training & Development, HR Matters, Malaysia, and Strategic Finance.

Sandra is a certified Newfield Network coach and certified to administer and interpret the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® along with the Enneagram. She also instructs at the University of Denver.

She can be reached at where she posts a courage blog and courage newsletter.

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